UCSF Children's Hospital for the first time participated in the Worldwide Candle Lighting for bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings in a Dec. 10 evening ceremony.
The observance was orchestrated by the Compass Care pediatric palliative Care Program, which provides comprehensive palliative care for children who require end-of-life services. It was the culmination of a day of activities that included scrapbooking in remembrance of the children.
The ceremony, held in the School of Nursing building, was part of an annual event organized by the Compassionate Friends, a nonprofit organization that helps families grieving after the loss of a child. Held each year on the second Sunday in December, the Worldwide Candle Lighting is believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe.
About 75 bereaved family members attended the UCSF ceremony. Because of its status as a tertiary and quaternary care center, about 100 children of all ages die each year at UCSF, according to neonatologist Sally Sehring, MD, who works closely with the palliative care program.
Sehring said that the ceremony was an important service to bereaved families because it allows them to share their child's memory with people who may have known and cared for him or her.
We Remember Them
At the rising of the sun and at its setting,
We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
We remember them …
As long as we live they too will live, for they are a part of us, as
We remember them.
By Sylvia Kamens and
Jack Riemer
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"In today's society, no one knows what to say to a parent who has lost a child," Sehring said. "But here, we share a common experience of the child. The child may be remembered as someone who was really a fighter or who had a special spirit that touched a lot of people. Being able to remember the child with the parent has a great deal of value."
The ceremony included the reading of inspirational passages by Sehring, the Rev. Birte Beuck, chaplain resident Angel Victoria Leonard and Stephanie Berman, director of pediatric social work. It culminated in the emotional lighting of five candles as Compass Care Bereavement Services Coordinator David Jull-Patterson, PhD, read the poem "Candles of Memory" to the families seated in the audience, many of whose eyes were filled with tears.
"We light these five candles in honor of you," Jull-Patterson began to read as the first candle was lit. "This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense," he said. "It reminds us of the depth of our love for you."
He continued, as the second candle was lit, "This candle represents our courage: courage to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other and to change our lives."
Five candles were lit in all, the remainder representing the memory of the child, the light of love and the light of hope.
"The love and memories of you are ours forever," he said at the lighting of the final candle. "It reminds us that the glow of the flame is our source of hopefulness. Now and always - we love you."
